Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
