We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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