don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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