He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
