this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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