So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize