The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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