DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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