I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
