I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
