ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
