Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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