When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
