My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
