I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize