remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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