i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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