His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Bring me that man meat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
