Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
