my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
