I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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