this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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