i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
