Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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