I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
