so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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