I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
