I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
