look no pants
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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