we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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