Quick, to the slutcave!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
