i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
