I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
