Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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