I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
