Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
