my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
