were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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