my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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