he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
