you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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