you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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