she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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