Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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