She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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