dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
