I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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