no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
