I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
