Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
