Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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