hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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