dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
