god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
