You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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