Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
