I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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