I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
