What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
