That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
