I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
