I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
