i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
