It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
