new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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