Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
