is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
