Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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