It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh god it's open bar.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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