Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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