Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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