I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
